Why you’re not getting what you want
Finding that you’re not keeping your New Year's resolutions, intentions or goals? You’re not alone, as this is traditionally the week that they get abandoned.
It's not because you’ve not got enough will power. Something else is going on… ready to hear what it is?
Two words: Self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own goals and values.
We all do it. So my question to you is ”could you be consciously or unconsciously self-sabotaging?”
Consciously doing it would be when you plan to go for a run but you decide to sit and watch Netflix instead - you know what you’re doing…! ;o)
Unconscious self-sabotage means that you may only realise after the event or you don't realise at all. Often you only notice these much later, or spot them as patterns that seem to repeat in your life.
For example - all my relationships in my 20s and early 30s were long distance. No really… it’s true. I thought I was just unlucky in love. It’s embarassing to acknowledge and share that, as looking back now it’s so obvious. But I couldn’t see it at the time.
Some of the ways we self-sabotage: stress-eating, always being late, overly worrying, avoiding commitment and procrastination. And - a big one - not prioritising ourselves / putting other people first.
If you drill into why you self-sabotage, it quickly becomes clear that it’s an avoidance mechanism. You are avoiding experiencing the thoughts, feelings and emotions that the “thing” (goal, task, intimacy etc) brings up in you.
What to do if you think you are self sabotaging:
Don’t judge yourself and instead ask these 2 questions
What is this self-sabotage costing you? (What’s the impact on your life?)
What is the pay-off that this self-sabotage gives you? (There is always pay-off. This will often things like being right, not risking success or failure etc.)
To dive deep into this and understand what’s causing you to self-sabotage
Watch this short video and check out these books (affiliate links to Amazon so you can buy them directly).
The Big Leap - Gay Hendricks
This book is a classic. It shows you how you are holding yourself back from achieving your true potential and happiness. A New York Times best seller.
Sabotage - Emma Gannon
Exploring our relationship with self-sabotage and how we put barriers in the way of our progression and happiness. A short, easy read, exploring real-life stories of success and setbacks.
Know your Worth - Anna Mathur
Sunday Times best selling author Anna shows you how to build your self esteem and worrry less what other people think.
Finally check in again
What would it mean for you to achieve the goal that you set for yourself or to uphold this value in your life?
What would it mean to put yourself first?
Life means constantly growing and changing. What if instead of self-sabotaging we embrace it?
I'd love to hear what comes up for you reading this. Hit reply and let me know.
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